


Their Five (Unexpected) Dates

by starchaser22



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: 5+1 Things, Humor, M/M, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, batfam, mentioned JayRoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 00:31:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17777150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starchaser22/pseuds/starchaser22
Summary: Five times the Batkids tried to set Bruce up (and what happened when Jason got involved).





	Their Five (Unexpected) Dates

**Author's Note:**

> i began this literally months ago and finally pulled myself together to post it for valentines day!! so here!! happy valentines day!!!  
> this is probably a disaster but proof reading is for chumps!!!
> 
> ALSO everyone is a superhero, but no one knows clark is superman and vice versa (EDIT: OKAY SO APPARENTLY I MESSED TIMS UP SO JUST he's the worlds greatest detective alright assume he knows)

“Hey, guys, I think I found the _perfect_ set-up for Bruce,” Dick announced midst their monthly Bat-night, where they all get together to watch movies, play games, and celebrate how crime is not as bad as it could be.

“Okay, that is not fair,” Steph said, hitting the Air Hockey puck across the table and scoring through Tim’s goal. “I’ve been trying to get him to ask out that one guy for ages.”

“‘That one guy.’ Yeah, real specific Steph,” Tim teased, grabbing the puck and throwing it back on the table.

Dick leaned forward on the couch, took a sip of his beer, and put it on a nearby coaster. “Guys, I’m serious. He’s always so busy and overworked. I think we all can agree he needs a night off.”

Jason walked up behind Dick and huffed in his ear, startling the latter and making him jump. Jason continued on without remorse, “I doubt you can find a good match for him.” He swung his legs around and perched on the couch beside Dick.

“What are you talking about? I’m the one who introduced you and Roy!”

“Yes, but you did not intend for us to fuck, did you?”

“You were like, 15, Jason!” Dick sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m still gonna do it.”

“I still don’t think that’s going to go over well.” Jason rubbed his hands together, much like an evil villain who once had a casual duffel bag of heads laying around. “In fact, I have so little faith in your matchmaking abilities, I am willing to present a match of my own.”

“Wait, is this a competition now?” Steph piped up, scoring yet another goal against Tim.

He sighed heavily. “I don’t think you should be making Bruce’s romantic life into some petty rivalry.”

“Oh, it’s all trash anyways,” Jason waved him off. “When was the last time he had a real relationship? And that furry suit of his doesn’t count.”

Damian, who had previously been reading quietly in the corner, look great offense to this. His jaw dropped and a hand flew to rest above his heart. “We all know that the only adequate person to search for Father’s perfect mate is myself.”

“Okay, so, four people competing to hook Bruce up? Timmy, sure you don’t want in?” Steph asked.

Tim sighed. “Fine, whatever.”

 

  1. Dick’s Attempt



 

It was surprisingly easy for the kids to get Bruce on board. His main request was that they all be while the sun was up, as to not interrupt his nighttime hobbies. While it, at first, seemed that it would be inconvenient, the man Dick chose to set him up with was more of a midday lunch kind of person anyways.

“Bruce,” He started, walking backwards to the table Clark was sitting at. “I have someone I’d like you to meet.” Oh man, this was going to be so great. Not only was Bruce going to have the time of his life, he was also going to win the entire competition.

“I already knew I was meeting someone. That’s why I am here.”

“Yeah, well.” Dick didn’t finish, just smiled a little too largely and turned on his heels to face Clark.

“Clark Kent, nice to meet you,” He rose from the table, towering over Dick with a good few inches.

Bruce nodded back. “Bruce Wayne, as I’m sure you already know.”

Yet, as Dick watched the two introduce themselves, watched them shake hands while Bruce asks Clark how he and Dick knew each other, it seemed… _forced_. Had Dick misinterpreted it completely? Did Bruce not want to be there? Had Clark thought this was a business thing?

Then, Bruce interrupted the casual greetings and idle small talk, “You probably don’t remember this, Clark, but I believe you actually interviewed me for the Daily Planet a year or so ago.”

Clark cocked his head to the side, narrowed his eyes, and then brightened in a very visible “aha!” “I think you’re right!”

So that explains the stiffness. How had Dick not noticed it before? Clark had a nagging sense of familiarity, and Bruce was waiting to see if he remembered. Easy! Perhaps this was all looking up after all.

He slowly rose from his seat and fought back a wide grin. “I think I’ll just leave you to it.”

 

  1. Tim’s Attempt



 

It’s probably very strange to set up your adoptive not-really-Father-but-legally-so with your friend’s DNA giver/it was stolen from/Dad/brother/who even cares? Their life is fucked anyways. Tim knew this, but he just thought Clark and Bruce would be so perfect together, it hardly seemed to matter.

Conner thought it was an awful idea. He protested that Bruce would “taint” and “contaminate” Clark’s do-gooder attitude, to which Tim pointed at Dick, with all his relentless, upbeat positivity, and Kon caved.

They met at a casual, mid-range restaurant on the mildly acceptable end of Gotham. Bruce dressed with a formal jacket, the top few buttons of his shirt undone, and Tim would have been very impressed if not for the knowledge that it was all Alfred’s doing. Clark was not faring as well, with a bright blue polo and khakis.

As soon as Tim laid eyes on Clark, he felt his heart stutter in his chest, paralyzed by fear. First impressions are everything; Bruce is gonna turn around and walk right out of there. Actually, Tim didn’t care too much about that. He cared about losing _another_ bet to Steph.

Yet, to _everyone’s_ surprise, Bruce smiles, wide and inviting, and pulled out Clark’s chair for him. “After you,” He said, but it had a teasing undertone to it.

“Is there something here I don’t know?” Tim asked, because it really felt like there was, with the way they were looking at each other.

“No,” Bruce assured him, walking to his own side of the table and continuing to flash Clark a blindingly bright smile. “Nothing at all.”  


  1. Steph’s Attempt



 

It hadn’t been hard. Actually, it had all been remarkably easy. Steph had seen Bruce making googly eyes at a reporter during an event a few months back, had taken note of it, and then tracked down said reporter when the competition began. She already knew that Bruce was interested in him, now she just had to see _how_ interested, and if he even remembered.

Despite the quite obvious interest that he’d shown during the event, Steph hadn’t expected Bruce to break into a face-wide smile as soon as the two of them had met.

“Hello again, Clark.”

“Good to see you, Bruce. It’s been awhile, huh?”

Yep, this was going to go fantastically.  


  1. Barbara's Attempt



 

After finding out about the entire scheme from Steph, Barbara forced her way into the competition. There was this really cute, young reporter who had been talking with her Dad last week, and she really thinks he and Bruce would go well together. The brightest sunshine to counteract the darkest night (pun totally intended).

Barbara had tracked down the article and gotten in contact with the writer, Clark Kent. He was super sweet. Barbara felt a little guilty that Hurricane Bruce was going to ruin it all.

She tried to make it a bit if a blind date and had shown up early to the park with Bruce to meet the mystery man. They’d sat on a park bench and sipped milkshakes while waiting, making idle chit chat about everything and nothing.

“Here, Barbara!” Clark called, jogging up behind them.

Barbara shifted on the bench to face him and waved. Once Clark had halted before them, smiling wide with crinkles around his eyes. “Clark, this is Bruce, a family friend.”

“Oh, I know Bruce,” Clark laughed, holding out a hand to shake nonetheless.

Bruce reluctantly took it, restraining laughter of his own. “We have got to stop _meeting_ like this.”  


  1. Damian’s Attempt



 

Father deserves the best of the best, which is why Damian searched far and wide for the most suitable match. Psh, he was definitely going to win this. That’ll show Todd for doubting his abilities.

He searched and searched and searched, and finally came up with the perfect match, the perfect recipient of Father’s affection.

Yet, as they met at the best restaurant Damian could get, Father’s words surprised him.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

Damian blinked. “What do you mean?”

Clark was smiling, shaking with restrained laughter as he explained, “This is the fifth time we’ve been set up.”

Damian didn’t understand. He’d searched far and wide for the perfect match, but hadn’t been able to pick anyone better than Drake! There was no way he’d worked as hard as Damian had, searched as intensely for the perfect match. No, Clark was the best option, everyone else had just gotten lucky. Yes, that was it.

“You really didn’t know?” Bruce asked, hands folded neatly on the table as he peered up at his son, curious.

“Of course not, father. Why would I choose to same match as Drake or Todd?”

“Actually, Jason’s date isn’t until tomorrow,” Bruce looked across the table. “Heard anything about it yet?”

Clark smiled, “Not yet. Do you think it’s possible that Jason didn’t get wind of the trend?”

“What, so this is just a _trend?_ ” Bruce teased. “This is our fifth date, Clark. You know what they say about the fifth date.”

Damian couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

 

+1. Jason’s Attempt

 

Don’t think he didn’t know. Everyone else may have “accidentally” chosen the same guy to set Bruce up with, but Jason didn’t buy it. One may think that just translated to the two of them being perfect together, but not Jason. Jason thought this was all some elaborate scheme, or perhaps Clark was actually the Flash and everyone was playing some huge prank on Jason, which was ridiculous. Clark was far too nerdy to be a superhero. More than that, he would definitely, like, crush their skulls or something, as soon as he understood what was going on.

Either way, his next move was simple. Jason was unsure what the entire plan was, but he knew it was no coincidence, no mere accident, and he had to act. He had to bring in the big guns, put Bruce in on inconceivable situation that would force him to confess.

Jason had to set Bruce up with Hal Jordan.

The only time Jason had _ever_ had contact with Hal was that time he’d drunk called the manor and Jason had been the first to the phone. He’d picked up, invited Hal to stay the night, and then promptly destroyed Bruce’s life. It was _fantastic_.

He was going for a repeat of that, but with a slightly different approach. At first, he thought it would be difficult to get Hal Jordan to go on a fake date with Bruce, but after the entire situation was explained, Hal just laughed and said sure.

Jason had invited the two of them out with the instructions to meet on the intersection of 7th and 2nd. Then Clark had found out and, well, he was not happy. Apparently he and Bruce had made it official the night before, or whatever, and the happy-go-lucky Metropolis reporter didn’t like his feet stepped on.

Not that Jason would ever admit it aloud, but the guy was… actually kind of scary, when he wanted to be. Clark seemed super nice, kind, excellent, staple boyfriend to bring home to your family, but there was clearly something more there, something hidden. An aura of sheer power and strength that he wasn’t tapping into.

Except when defending Bruce’s honor, apparently. Something about the way he puffed out his chest, jaw set, eyes narrowed… It was like a completely different person.

Considering Bruce’s own night time hobbies, Jason couldn’t help but be a little happy they found each other.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> [wanna read about the time hal drunkenly called the manor?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13329996)


End file.
